Home Alone 2

Christmas time is near. I liked the Home Alone movies even though for some strange reason I was always hoping that the bad guys would trap and kill Culkin. I think I just hated that this obnoxious, rich, white kid with happily married parents was supposed to be the object of my empathy. Maybe I identify more with Joe Pesci.

Thanksgiving, 1990

Happy Thanksgiving. I can't remember who won, but I was rooting for Georgia Tech as always. Ironically, maybe, I ended up going to UGA. Unironically, I did not give a damn about football while there. This opinion was re-enforced by watching people vomit in the streets at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon. Nein danke. I'll keep my vomiting indoors and after sunset.*

*Bonus fun-fact: Despite the insinuation, I have not vomited since I was 10-years-old (almost 20 years).

Silents is golden

One of the greatest silent films of all time, shown in a classic movie palace with accompaniment by possibly the greatest living organ player in the U.S. (Dennis James). This is the kind of stuff I live for. It's like stepping into a time-machine.

Zombie Attack!

Zack Snyder gets it all wrong: zombies can't run. Also, I'm pretty sure the mall setting is supposed to be a loaded symbol. I knew these things at 14, so how is it that a grown man with millions of dollars and a giant crew doesn't seem to get it? I guess it's all part of what makes him "visionary."

That said, if the movie was named Zombie Attack! or something, I would have liked it and assumed it was a very lazy homage to Dawn of the Dead. But calling it a remake just invites the criticism...

I love stupid comedies

I guarantee, I walked out of every single one of these movies happier than I ever have been as an adult.

The Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey stub is from the Merrit Square Mall "North" theatre on Merrit Island, FL. When visiting my grandparents there, going to this movie theatre was one of the only ways to keep from turning inside out as a result of sustained boredom. I look back on this with a wince of regret because adult me wishes I had spent more time talking with my grandfather before he passed away. But ten year old me lacked this perspective and, really, any emotional maturity, therefore spending an hour and a half with time traveling idiots who give Death a wedgie seemed far more appealing than spending even five minutes with my family. Ah, who am I kidding... put in the same situation today, I would still probably go see Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. I'm not that much more mature, and any mortality-linked perspectives will still lose out to my desire for cheap laughs and a projected movie show.

Understand, I was really into Bill & Ted. I ate their breakfast cereal, and used the cassette tape case that came with it to carry around my Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack cassette (in 1991 it was probably sharing that 3-cassette space with the Ghostbuster's II and Back to the Future III soundtracks...)

Things are scarier in 3D?

These are the the 3D glasses that were handed to my dad and I upon purchase of two tickets to see 1991's Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (a title contradicted by New Nightmare, Freddy vs. Jason, and the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street remake). My dad rarely would go out to see movies, but having grown up during what Wikipedia refers to as 3D's initial "revival" age, he was intrigued by the gimmick. And I needed someone over 18 to buy me (then 10 or 11) a ticket, so we both had an excuse to head down to CNN Center and experience Freddy in 3D.

Here's a detail of the glasses that shows the really specific directions which are presented as a rather stern warning:


Try reading the text with a voice in your head and give proper emphasis to the bold words. Kind of odd, right?

It's such a stupid movie, I even thought so then. Only about five minutes at the end are in 3D, and it mostly consists of crudely animated worm things that are anthropomorphizations of Freddy's evil... or something like that. I barely remember at this point, and I have little desire to revisit the movie. I don't think I saw a 3D movie again until Spy Kids 3D aka Headache Island vs. Steve Buscemi on a Flying Pig and also Ricardo Montalban is There.

The fact that James Cameron, et al are giving 3D another push is comical to the point of absurdity. Maybe this time things will pan out differently, and audiences will really embrace the gimmick, driving up movie studio profits and getting people back out to the theatre in droves. I think having a good 3D movie would certainly help things, but unless Avatar is as good as or better than Aliens or Terminator 2 (I don't have to see it to definitively say it won't be), 3D will go the way of... well 3D... and 3D before it.

Lest we forget what time does to pop culture, particularly something as whimsical and fickle as popular cinema, here are some more details from the glasses. Details that amuse me much more than any memories I have of seeing the movie that brought this relic into my life.





So before you spend too much of your day thinking about what Kanye West said or did, remember, today's star is tomorrow's Kid 'n' Play. But y'all knew that fame is fleeting, I just wanted an excuse to type "Kid 'n' Play." ... I bet Suburban Commando is as good as I remember it being...

All about me

These things were in my ticket collection for some reason. The back of the soccer "trading card" says I was #21 on the Lean Green Soccer Machine in 1991, played Right Forward (really? I remember being short, chubby and on defense for most of my soccer playing days?), was 10 years old, 4 ft 8, and 85 lbs.

I have no idea what the stain on the lunch card is...

Something About Something

I saw There's Something About Mary for free at my place of employment, the United Artists Midtown 8. It was one of the rare times I got my dad to come out to a movie with me and my friends. I remember that he sat on a different row than us, and to this day I'm not sure if it's because he didn't want to embarrass us, or if he didn't want to be embarrassed.

I remember him laughing really loud at any of the parts with a dog. I thought the movie was hilarious and took one of the extra posters we had and hung it on my wall. I haven't seen the movie since, and I'm pretty sure I don't like Cameron Diaz anymore.

Ed Wood

I think I saw this with my mom. I haven't seen it since. I've been told it's really good. I barely remember it.

All thumbs (Rookie of the Year)

My dad and I went to see this movie after it received a glowing review from Siskel & Ebert. We should have realized they were just geeking out because it was set in Chicago and about the Cubs, but for some reason we thought it would actually be this moving, hilarious comedy/fantasy about baseball. Well, at least it is about baseball. I never listened to Ebert ever again.

Actually, almost exactly 10 years later I had the really amazing opportunity to go to the Cannes Film Festival through school (UGA), and I saw Ebert speak on a panel. My professor was a good friend of Ebert's and invited him to speak with the small group of UGA students. I was so nervous I was trembling, but I managed to fire off a few extremely confrontational questions about things Ebert had said during the panel discussion. It wasn't exactly a revenge, but it felt pretty good to be able to voice my criticism back at the source of such terrible recommendations at Rookie of the Year.

(For the record, I think Roger Ebert is pretty great, and though he makes plenty of mistakes and gives almost every movie three stars, he is still a force of good and often a voice of reason in the realm of mainstream film criticism).

Waved out

This was probably the 2nd or 3rd time I saw GBV. I don't remember this show AT ALL. And I was 100% sober.

Shut up, you baby.

Atanta's own David Cross performed in Athens own 40 Watt. I don't think the opening act on the ticket performed.

Cross had an alright set, but I remember him shining the most when he handled hecklers. People boo'd when he mentioned his involvement in some crappy FOX sitcom (Oliver Beene), to which he announced how much he was paid for a few hours of voice over work. Then he told people not to watch the show. He also got boo'd when he mentioned he was drinking Heineken or Budweiser or some other major beer brand... Poor guy.

Come on baby won't you show me what you got, yeah

Importance of Seeing Ernest

The only thing I can make out on this ticket is "Ernest." I think, it being a Cineplex Odeon stub, that it is either from Lenox Mall or from the theatre that was in CNN Center. I'm guessing it's either Ernest Scared Stupid or Ernest Goes to Jail.

Dark Knight Begins Forever

I was never a fan of Batman before the 1989 Tim Burton feature. I never read the comics, and the TV show was so campy that even 8 year old me couldn't completely embrace it. I was not very excited about a new Batman movie coming out, but I remember everyone else seemed to be. Somehow I ended up seeing this the day before opening day (with Diego Bagatell I'm pretty sure) after a day of hanging out at Piedmont Park. Why I went to an apparently sneak preview screening of a movie I wasn't even excited to see, I don't remember. But I do remember loving it.

The screening was at Hoyt's Midtown 8, later to become United Artists' Midtown 8, where I worked from 1996-1999, and now Landmark Theatre's Midtown Art Cinema (which is essentially the same shitty theatre, but now with tacky carpet, more froo-froo concession options, and a somewhat more discerning programmer, which I guess gives them license to call it an "art cinema."

Dinamation!

What kid doesn't love dinosaurs? What kid doesn't love the zoo? This must've been a great day: animatronic dinosaurs and gorillas. This was the closest I ever got to going to an actual Jurassic Park.

Why the name "Age of the Living Dinosaurs" though? "Age of the Dinosaurs" would be enough, but sounds too educational. I suppose calling it just "Living Dinosaurs" could get them in trouble for false advertising. "Age of the Living Dinosaurs" makes it sound like zombies are going to be involved. Has anyone made a dinosaur zombie movie yet? Don't.

Restricted

One of the challenges of loving action and horror movies as a teenager in Clinton's America was skirting the "no unaccompanied children under 17" policy. The easiest way to do this was to simply buy a ticket to another movie and rest assured that the other teenagers who are tasked with upholding the integrity of the Avondale 16 second-run shitorium don't really care what you do once you're inside. I never did see A Goofy Movie, and I can't exactly remember what I did see instead. Looking at a list of releases from 2-3 months prior, I would guess that it was probably Die Hard: With A Vengeance, which means I probably was with Rich Adams or Jon Jowers.

Crappy movies I paid to see at Beechwood

That's right, you snobs, I thought Crouching Tiger was crappy. At least the Cell had a split horse! If I have to watch a fantasy kung-fu movie, I'd rather watch Sammo Hung fight hopping vampires than see Chow Yun Fat look extremely awkward as wires jerk him all over the screen.

Beechwood was the closest, most mainstream theatre to everywhere I lived in Athens. Probaby 90% of the movies I saw between 1999-2003, I saw there. Almost always, if I was seeing a crappy movie, I would have been with James Godino or Matt Gragg. James and I would often see two movies for the price of one (I believe the technical term is "hopping"). I'm pretty sure we saw Tomb Raider after we saw Shrek. June 19, 2001 shall henceforth be known as Black Tuesday.

Chucky Bride

One of my favorite places to see horror movies in Atlanta was North Dekalb Mall. Around my junior year of high school, they started adding midnight shows on weekends, and you could be assured the crunkest crowds would be out in full force during opening week. It was like every clown, joker and wise-ass from Atlanta, Decatur and wherever the hell else seemed to put down their crack-pipe, 40 oz., or in my case, Mountain Dew, and flow like a raging river of crazy to communally witness the wholesale slaughter of second-rate TV actors as written by second-rate TV writers and directed by third-rate Hollywood directors. Or in the case of Bride of Chucky, second-rate Hong Kong director, Ronny Yu.

A midnight movie at North Dekalb was 3D before 3D came back into fashion. It was Movies 2.0 where every member of the audience was interacting with the movie, whether you wanted them to be or not. I'm not talking about snide, post-MST3K comedic cat-calling hipster douchebags (see a horror movie in Olympia, Washington and you'll understand). The interaction I'm talking about is way weirder and more akin to the "Don't go in there!" and "Ohnohedi-uhnt" stereotypes of lore, but far more surreal and tolerable.

Bride of Chucky is perhaps my favorite North Dekalb experience of all. The movie, if nothing else, is a crowd-pleaser if your crowd consists of me, my friends who counted Jack Frost and Getting Lucky amongst their favorite films, and 300 rowdy, inner-city African American kids. People had clearly snuck into the theatre, as there were no more seats in the room, and kids were sitting on the steps.

A most joyous burst of "Yeah Chucky, smoke one!" united the audience in laughter and mirth as on-screen a puppet lit a marijuana cigarette.

An awkward tension was quickly defused by a cheer of "Chucky bust-a-nut!" as on-screen two plastic dolls joined in passionate coitus.

Everyone left that screening changed for the better.

Postscript: Years later I was told that a friend of a friend who works in a video store in Alaska was amazed by how well Bride of Chucky continues to rent to this day... or at least with a segment of the African American community in this Alaskan town. According to the legend, few weekends pass without the question "Y'all got Chucky Bride?!"

Uncontrollable Urge

Most people probably don't know that I collect ticket stubs. I must have started when I was around eight years old or so. I'm not sure what spawned the habit, but I've pretty carefully held onto every tiny piece of paper detritus from each movie, sporting event, or concert I've been to since 1988. The only exception is Seattle's Landmark Theatres' ticket stubs, which are printed on flimsy receipt paper, and are hardly worth saving.

I've been meaning to scan these ticket stubs into a digital format before they fade away or disappear. For over a decade they collected in a little wicker basket in my bedroom, but I've since relocated them to Ziploc freezer bags in a shoebox. Somewhere in an attic in Atlanta, my earliest stubs are collected in a scrapbook.

Tonight while I was on the phone with my mom, she mentioned that her and my dad took me to a Devo concert in 1982. I immediately remembered a ticket stub: one that I found amongst my parents' things (and horded for my own collection) decades ago. This inspired me to finally get this idea going.



I have no memory of being at this concert (give me a break, I had just turned 2), but I'm told I enjoyed it. Thanks, Devo. With most stubs I will try and post some sort of memory, even if it's just who I was with and what I remember. Like when Jordan Smith and I saw Metallica in 1992 from a "pit" in the center of their circular stage at the Omni:



This is Jordan and I on Halloween (probably 1999). In the background you can see the aforementioned wicker basket as well as my discontinued Coca-Cola bottle and can collection, and an odd collection of posters that reflected my interests at the time.



I plan on randomly pulling a few ticket stubs a week and posting them here until I get bored with it, or I am told to stop. Of course, not everything I pull will have a personal story with it. For instance:




I never went to Lollapalooza. And I certainly would have remembered seeing Poison. I'm just such a packrat that at some point I found these ticket stubs on the ground, picked them up, and added them to my stockpile. Weird, right?

Speaking of weird, I was at this show: