Things are scarier in 3D?

These are the the 3D glasses that were handed to my dad and I upon purchase of two tickets to see 1991's Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (a title contradicted by New Nightmare, Freddy vs. Jason, and the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street remake). My dad rarely would go out to see movies, but having grown up during what Wikipedia refers to as 3D's initial "revival" age, he was intrigued by the gimmick. And I needed someone over 18 to buy me (then 10 or 11) a ticket, so we both had an excuse to head down to CNN Center and experience Freddy in 3D.

Here's a detail of the glasses that shows the really specific directions which are presented as a rather stern warning:


Try reading the text with a voice in your head and give proper emphasis to the bold words. Kind of odd, right?

It's such a stupid movie, I even thought so then. Only about five minutes at the end are in 3D, and it mostly consists of crudely animated worm things that are anthropomorphizations of Freddy's evil... or something like that. I barely remember at this point, and I have little desire to revisit the movie. I don't think I saw a 3D movie again until Spy Kids 3D aka Headache Island vs. Steve Buscemi on a Flying Pig and also Ricardo Montalban is There.

The fact that James Cameron, et al are giving 3D another push is comical to the point of absurdity. Maybe this time things will pan out differently, and audiences will really embrace the gimmick, driving up movie studio profits and getting people back out to the theatre in droves. I think having a good 3D movie would certainly help things, but unless Avatar is as good as or better than Aliens or Terminator 2 (I don't have to see it to definitively say it won't be), 3D will go the way of... well 3D... and 3D before it.

Lest we forget what time does to pop culture, particularly something as whimsical and fickle as popular cinema, here are some more details from the glasses. Details that amuse me much more than any memories I have of seeing the movie that brought this relic into my life.





So before you spend too much of your day thinking about what Kanye West said or did, remember, today's star is tomorrow's Kid 'n' Play. But y'all knew that fame is fleeting, I just wanted an excuse to type "Kid 'n' Play." ... I bet Suburban Commando is as good as I remember it being...

All about me

These things were in my ticket collection for some reason. The back of the soccer "trading card" says I was #21 on the Lean Green Soccer Machine in 1991, played Right Forward (really? I remember being short, chubby and on defense for most of my soccer playing days?), was 10 years old, 4 ft 8, and 85 lbs.

I have no idea what the stain on the lunch card is...

Something About Something

I saw There's Something About Mary for free at my place of employment, the United Artists Midtown 8. It was one of the rare times I got my dad to come out to a movie with me and my friends. I remember that he sat on a different row than us, and to this day I'm not sure if it's because he didn't want to embarrass us, or if he didn't want to be embarrassed.

I remember him laughing really loud at any of the parts with a dog. I thought the movie was hilarious and took one of the extra posters we had and hung it on my wall. I haven't seen the movie since, and I'm pretty sure I don't like Cameron Diaz anymore.

Ed Wood

I think I saw this with my mom. I haven't seen it since. I've been told it's really good. I barely remember it.

All thumbs (Rookie of the Year)

My dad and I went to see this movie after it received a glowing review from Siskel & Ebert. We should have realized they were just geeking out because it was set in Chicago and about the Cubs, but for some reason we thought it would actually be this moving, hilarious comedy/fantasy about baseball. Well, at least it is about baseball. I never listened to Ebert ever again.

Actually, almost exactly 10 years later I had the really amazing opportunity to go to the Cannes Film Festival through school (UGA), and I saw Ebert speak on a panel. My professor was a good friend of Ebert's and invited him to speak with the small group of UGA students. I was so nervous I was trembling, but I managed to fire off a few extremely confrontational questions about things Ebert had said during the panel discussion. It wasn't exactly a revenge, but it felt pretty good to be able to voice my criticism back at the source of such terrible recommendations at Rookie of the Year.

(For the record, I think Roger Ebert is pretty great, and though he makes plenty of mistakes and gives almost every movie three stars, he is still a force of good and often a voice of reason in the realm of mainstream film criticism).

Waved out

This was probably the 2nd or 3rd time I saw GBV. I don't remember this show AT ALL. And I was 100% sober.

Shut up, you baby.

Atanta's own David Cross performed in Athens own 40 Watt. I don't think the opening act on the ticket performed.

Cross had an alright set, but I remember him shining the most when he handled hecklers. People boo'd when he mentioned his involvement in some crappy FOX sitcom (Oliver Beene), to which he announced how much he was paid for a few hours of voice over work. Then he told people not to watch the show. He also got boo'd when he mentioned he was drinking Heineken or Budweiser or some other major beer brand... Poor guy.

Come on baby won't you show me what you got, yeah

Importance of Seeing Ernest

The only thing I can make out on this ticket is "Ernest." I think, it being a Cineplex Odeon stub, that it is either from Lenox Mall or from the theatre that was in CNN Center. I'm guessing it's either Ernest Scared Stupid or Ernest Goes to Jail.